Sunday, September 19, 2010

Not My Time

I sit here, eleven months after leaving California. SO much has changed, so much that I am unaware of the majority of it. This morning back in California the men of my home church are finishing up a men's retreat. It is a retreat I have gone to for the past eleven years - one that is full of Godly friendships, great competition and most importantly a simple getaway from the everyday worries of life. I miss them all.

But today. Today I sit in a living room full of forty people who are all worshiping the same God together. The same God that my friends back home are praising. The same god that placed the desire to move to Texas on my heart. The same God that has provided for, loved, and guided me on a path that only he could have planned for me.

I sit here today torn between a life that benefits me and a life that only glorifies my Father. I yearn for the latter. I yearn for the life that Father has for me. I yearn to love and be loved by Him. And I can't do it by myself. Try as hard as I may, nothing I do can grant me the life that I know is best for me.

Except surrender.

Nineteen months ago a friend from my home church told me: "There will be a point where you realize 'you can't do this anymore.' This is a good place to be in, for that is where God will say - it's my time."

And that is all I know I can hope in trust in.

God, it's your time.