life is an awfully big adventure

Books

2012-01-04T14:54:00.000-06:00

It's a new year. (Whoopee!)

So I'm going to keep track of the books I've read this year.

First book of 2012?

Wonderstruck by Brian Selznick

I'll try to update this as often as I can :-)

The Rainbow Connection

2012-01-04T14:44:00.000-06:00

I wish I were more of an optimist. I wish I could get excited for things in the near distant future. Like my last post for instance - how exciting to be able to see Five Iron Frenzy during the first show of their reunion. Life doesn't really throw you any better experiences than that.

Or does it.

I don't get to go see Five Iron play. Due to unforeseen circumstances and scheduling conflicts of the members of the band they were not able to have their first show in June. They moved it earlier in the year to April. Which works great. For them. For others. But not for me.

I was so hopeful. So optimistic. So...expectant.

I won't give up though. It's not a resolution, but it's a change of view. Because this year. This year is going to be different from all the rest. To begin with, in 101 days I'm getting married to a girl who is more than I could ever deserve. If there ever was a doubt that God existed, any hesitance would immediately vanish due to her presence. How could one be blessed so much, loved so immensely - to be given a gift such as her.

We told each other that no matter what, no matter the circumstances, the barriers, the conflicts; we would get married to each other on April 14th. So far I've been offered (essentially) a job in which training conflicted with the date, and Five Iron decided to have a show less than a week from our honeymoon. I'm kinda excited to see what else tries to make us re-think our decision. Because nothing can or will. "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." (Mk. 10:9). Even before we're joined together darn-it!

Hope does still fly. Still. May it forever fly. May it soar above forests and mountains and plains (planes even!). May hope spring eternal. May the bravest thing, for anyone of us, be to hope.

Currently Listening To: Rainbow Connection by: The Muppets Original Soundtrack

Hope Still Flies

2011-11-29T01:22:00.001-06:00

In all honesty, I was on the fence about going to see Five Iron Frenzy in their first show in eight years. Not because of whether or not they'd be amazing, that fact is null. But whether or not the finances would fall into line. Then I started texting Evan.

Now Evan and I went to Five Iron's last show together 8 years ago. It was amazing. I cried. Simple as that. Well Evan said he was thinking about going. I told him, if he goes, I go. Then he sent me a text, with a picture of his pledge on it; and said - "how can we not be there for the first show in 8 yeras??"

Best thing about this? Eight years ago neither of us were seeing anyone. This time around? We'll both be married.

Hope still flies.

I've Been Waiting in Halfhearted Sleep

2011-11-22T23:49:00.001-06:00

I don't know if I ever truly thought this day would come.

Five Iron Frenzy is finally back together. They're releasing an album in 2013.

I'm all smiles.

Everything Starts Where It Ends

2011-09-25T12:15:00.000-05:00

I cleaned my bathroom today. Vacuumed my room. And am in the midst of doing my laundry. What a tweet that would make huh?

How about - James Pierce just finished fall cleaning, and now wants to eat steak. That one is more Facebook-esque.

Or - check out this sweet pic of my clean bathroom! Google+ anyone?

I could have live feeds streaming 24/7 (not of my bathroom): James is here! James is doing this! James just worked 8 hours and wants ice cream!

But I don't. The thing about moving away from home is everything is different. You get to know people for ten plus years, most likely more - and then when you move everyone is new. Everything, is different. I've been in Texas less than two years. I can't expect to have great/wonderful/fulfilling relationships that make me smile like I used to. Oddly enough though, is that I do have relationships like that, and I am ever so blessed to have them. But something's missing.

I met Michael Mulligan in the third grade. He had his arm in a sling and/or cast because he had broken it falling off the monkey bars, or a tree, or something unsafe. Some things never change. Michael introduced me to Star Wars, bad cars (Ford), theatre, Disneyland (sure I went when I was a kid, but when you hang out with a guy who gets you kicked out of the theme park...), and so much more. He spent the first three years of his college days crashing on my floor/futon/couch and the last in an actual bed because I was sick of having him being an unofficial roommate: my dorm phone would ring more due to people calling looking for him than for me. Michael and I traveled to Europe for three weeks together, and although we almost killed each other in the process, it was the best three weeks of my life. I had the privilege of being Michael's best man in his wedding two years ago. Michael lives in New York; 1,815 miles away.

I met James Moore my freshman year of college. He moved into my room our second semester because his roommate had OCD and kicked him out, and mine up and left the school. We took the same classes, got completely different grades, and still managed to remain friends. We were James and James, James Squared, The James'. We lived together our sophomore year, were RA's together our junior year, and lived next door to each other senior year. We played Mario Kart and Mario Party and yes we spent time outside too; playing tennis, basketball, and throwing a frisbee on the beach. James continued his education and earned two Master's degrees, and is in the process of getting his Ph.D. (Overachiever). I had the privilege of being James' best man in his wedding four years ago. James lives in Boston; 2,036 miles away.

I met Andrew Teaters February 14th, 2003. Through random circumstances Andrew and I were roommates my senior year of college, 1 and a half years after I met him. HOW IN THE WORLD DID WE BECOME FRIENDS? Andrew introduced me to Chuck Palahniuk, Honda sport touring motorcycles, and Kiltlifter beer, to name a few. I've been able to play on his competitive church softball team a few times, watch MMA fights with the guys, and become a solid part of his extended family. He teaches sixth grade at a charter school as well as coaches the Jr. High girls volleyball team. He has three of the most amazing children I have ever had the joy to meet, and I am proud to be a distant (sad but true) uncle to them. I had the pirvilege of being Andrew's co-best man in his wedding five years ago. Andrew lives in Phoenix; 996 miles away.

If I had it my way, the four of us would live within 100 miles of one another. I'd even settle for 250. Not only are these three guys fantastically amazing, their wives are without a doubt their better halves. Kristin, Briana, and Rhiannon are some of my best friends as well, and it pains me every time a month or two or six or twenty go by without getting to see them. I miss these six people.

But wait, there's excitement brewing. I'm getting married. I'm getting married to a wonderful girl who is sunshine in my life. And our wedding is going to bring all my closest friends together, and we are going to celebrate and party and enjoy each other's company so very very much. So even if I don't have the opportunity to see AJ, James or Mikey in the next six months; I can guarantee I'll see them in April. Because if for some odd reason they can't make it to my wedding, I'll have their eyes gouged out and glued to mannequins made in their likeness.

2011-08-24T22:13:00.001-05:00

space robot five...

Here is the News

2011-07-20T11:52:00.002-05:00

I don't blog much. I suppose that's not truly news, it's in fact, fact. As anyone could tell by just looking around - posts are few and far between, nothing super-extravagant or mind-boggling. But hey, it is what it is - right?

For those interested, I'm doing GREAT. I've got a new job which I think I might actually enjoy, and it rained and thundered and lightninged yesterday so that was wonderful.
Oh yeah, I got engaged a month ago too. That's pretty awesome.

California Bound

2011-06-15T22:29:00.000-05:00

We're heading out to California in about 7 hours. It's going to be one full and crazy weekend. My youngest brother is graduating from high school, it will be my birthday, my younger brother is getting married, it will be Father's Day, and we're gonna try to see as many people as we possibly can inbetween all that. Pretty sure there won't be room for anything else!

So here's to an awesome time, perfect weather, and lovely people.

Let's do this!

PS - I will most definitely take a swim in the Pacific Ocean. My body is depending on me.

Willem Once Said (2)

2011-06-14T09:48:00.000-05:00

"The goal, ultimately, is to be fully yourself in Christ - then, it doesn't matter what you do."

Pentecost Sunday

2011-06-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

If Jesus Christ is true then I am mostly lies.
If Jesus Christ is love then I have failed to try.
If Jesus Christ is life then please just let me die.
Let this die.

All Downhill From Here

2011-06-09T21:38:00.000-05:00

Last day of work at the animal hospital tomorrow. Bittersweet? When I told them in January I was looking for work in other places they graciously let me stay on, until it was time for them to finally bite the bullet and hire someone to take my place. That happened on the second of May. So tomorrow is the tenth of June. And tomorrow I say goodbye. Goodbye to the place where I spent the majority of the past nineteen months. Bittersweet is a perfect description.

Where does that leave me?

I feel like at the very beginning, once again.

The Downfall of Civilization

2011-06-08T11:25:00.000-05:00

We all say we'll start blogging more. We all say we'll write until our minds are numb, our fingers blue. And then we log onto Facebook, check out what all our friends are up to - and then leave the computer in search of food.

I hate Facebook.

June Already?

2011-06-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

Let's run into the ocean.

You know that feeling when you're running on the sand, just before your feet hit the rippling tide as it rises and falls along the shoreline? You don't care what the temperature will be, it's too hot out anyway to ever have water be "too cold." Your feet kick the surface of the water, sending outburts of splashes back where it came from. And before you know it the water is to your ankles, your knees, and you dive dive dive into the crashing waves.

There's nothing quite like it.

Willem Once Said (1)

2011-04-07T10:49:00.001-05:00

"You won't find solutions independent of action."

thoughts?

Look Out World

2011-04-06T23:17:00.000-05:00

it came in the mail today
all shiny and new
completely empty
all perfect and blue

four seven nine
four seven seven
nine seven four
numbers from heaven

meant to be memorized
meant to be known
meant to keep history
to where i have flown

i'm utterly excited
it was worth every cent
but the year left without one
was perfectly spent

yet i hold in my hand
a ticket to anywhere
and i plan to fill it up
to great places i do declare

so here's to the future
and this traveling man
it's time to go adventuring
wherever i can

It Does a Body Good

2011-03-21T22:52:00.000-05:00

I went running today. I bought myself shoes for Christmas and wore them for the first time. I can't remember the last time I actually went running. Sad. But the most difficult part is starting again so this was a good beginning. I ran for three miles and my timing was horrible, but hey, I can only get better.

I'm nice and refreshed, now time for bed.

Guac

2011-02-20T13:02:00.001-06:00

We made rolled tacos and guacamole last night.

I could eat that forever and a day.

This Sorta Thing

2011-02-03T12:59:00.000-06:00

Don't mind me. I'm just in a funk. Nothing you can fix. Nothing I won't get out of. I'm tired. Tired of not knowing. You can only search for so long until hope slowly disappears. Right?

I probably don't believe half of the things I write.

Will I ever fully be content? Will there be a day when I take a second to look around me and say, hey, I'm here. I've arrived. Life is at its best.

I miss Andrew and Rhiannon, James and Briana, Michael and Kristin, Kyle and Colette, Joel and Chrissy.

It's just going to be another one of those days I suppose.

So here, here we go again. Should I move right or left. Or just step back to check if I missed a step. Oh no, we can never be to sure when forever's on the line. Forever passed me by a hundred times tonight.

Speechless

2010-12-19T16:17:00.000-06:00

"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

I'm in need of a new year. These past fourteen months have been so interesting. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it all. My heart yearns for more. I get caught in the everyday drudgery that seems to endlessly permeate my mornings, afternoons, and evenings. I'm asked - what do you want to do with your life, where do you see yourself in ten years, what is your endgame? And it frustrates me. Because at 27 and counting I still don't know. But I don't see a fuse chasing me when I look behind me. I don't hear the crashing rubble from a landslide bearing down on me. I hear a still small voice that speaks beyond all distractions, desires, and ambitions.

I hear THIS.

And I can't help but wonder, when did this ever become solely about me?

10/10/10

2010-10-10T23:23:00.000-05:00

The truth is...

Not My Time

2010-09-19T17:45:00.000-05:00

I sit here, eleven months after leaving California. SO much has changed, so much that I am unaware of the majority of it. This morning back in California the men of my home church are finishing up a men's retreat. It is a retreat I have gone to for the past eleven years - one that is full of Godly friendships, great competition and most importantly a simple getaway from the everyday worries of life. I miss them all.

But today. Today I sit in a living room full of forty people who are all worshiping the same God together. The same God that my friends back home are praising. The same god that placed the desire to move to Texas on my heart. The same God that has provided for, loved, and guided me on a path that only he could have planned for me.

I sit here today torn between a life that benefits me and a life that only glorifies my Father. I yearn for the latter. I yearn for the life that Father has for me. I yearn to love and be loved by Him. And I can't do it by myself. Try as hard as I may, nothing I do can grant me the life that I know is best for me.

Except surrender.

Nineteen months ago a friend from my home church told me: "There will be a point where you realize 'you can't do this anymore.' This is a good place to be in, for that is where God will say - it's my time."

And that is all I know I can hope in trust in.

God, it's your time.

2010-08-28T00:03:00.001-05:00

Now's not the time to blog. Apparently it's the time to sleep, but I'm not doing a good job of that either. These days are the dry days, no cool breeze, just consistent heat and blah. It almost matches the summer, although it has more of a winter feel.

I'm hoping one day things will figure themselves out. I'm hoping that's sooner than later. And as much as I'd like to be in control, well that's just not going to be possible. It's like telling me I'd have a chance at planning my future. Hah.

I was asleep about an hour ago, but now I'm stuck in "my body just won't let me fall back asleep" purgatory. Why even tell people you need to go to bed if you're not going to be asleep anyway. Only seems to make things worse anyway. Stay awake forever. My new motto.

Le sigh.

Goodnight blogosphere, I'll keep am eye open for you.

2010-08-08T23:02:00.001-05:00

At least they never said it would be easy. Even if they had...

Caedmon's Call

2010-07-29T23:08:00.002-05:00

It's hard to go to sleep when you're listening to brand new music. You want to listen to it over and over and over again. Caedmon's call just released two free singles in anticipation for their upcoming album. They're playing Saturday night about five hours away from me. Sadly that's too far to drive.

7/27/2010

2010-07-29T22:43:00.004-05:00

I started writing this blog in a notebook. So should it be called a blog? Probably not, but by the time it reaches your eyes it's just as much a blog as it will ever be.

I don't write much these days. I've been reading though. Quite a bit. Late last year I started reading The Hobbit. I got hooked on the Lord of the Rings series and am so glad I did. Great adventures were had by Bilbo and Frodo. Think of how crazy it would be if all you knew of was the Shire, and then you're suddenly thrust out in the middle of, well, Middle Earth. Culture shock? Probably.

I moved to Texas and I got culture shock. Maybe it was given to me. Maybe it was thrown in my face. Maybe, just maybe, it blindsided me and knocked me off my feet. It hurt. It's not what I expected. It made my whole perception of why I moved to Texas in the first place change. I don't know hot to explain it to all you folks out in the blogosphere without getting too personal. But since the only people that read are the ones who probably care somewhat...

I came here to help serve an organization that I worked with in Costa Rica for four months. I thought (I don't know why) it would be the same in Texas. It wasn't. I came to find out over time that the people with whom I was working were not people with the same cultural background as myself. Our worlds collided and for whatever reason I just didn't fit. No one's fault. It just didn't work. But by that time I had a full time job. A church community that I was growing to love. And a living place that although wasn't the most ideal or warmest (you could see your breath in the morning in the winter for crying out loud), Texas was becoming my home.

I found purpose in knowing what it was like to once again hold a full time job. I had people who barely knew me who were challenging me to grow more than ever. And so far, it's been the most difficult nine months of my life.

Come to find out I really do love the beach.
Come to find out I really do love my family.
Come to find out I really do love my California church friends.
Come to find out I really do love my softball team.

And being away from all those things is tough, to say the least. But every day I press on. I know God, in His glorious infinite wisdom, has an idea of where my life is headed. Or at least where He wants my life to be headed.

I've almost been working a straight nine months. I've been at an animal hospital, and come to find out I really don't like animals. I need to read James Elliot's books I think.

Maybe that's where my reading list will take me next.

Ramblings

2010-07-20T22:06:00.003-05:00

Reading makes me thoughtful. More than usual I think. Makes me want to write, to share with the world things that without the help of others would have never come to me in the first place. When does an author realize they want to be a writer for the rest of their life? When people around them tell them they're good and should pursue it? Or is there that passion deep inside them that everyone feels, albeit toward different things? I'd hope more towards the latter, but what of those that never thought they were good in the first place but are in fact, brilliant? Hmmm, something to ponder I suppose.

Woof!

2010-07-04T09:37:00.001-05:00

Dogs aren't as cute and cuddly as you all might wish they were.

6/17/2010

2010-06-18T10:30:00.001-05:00

What a GREAT day!

Happy Birthday?

2010-06-17T00:22:00.002-05:00

I hate to say it, but my last two birthdays were kinda sucky. I'm not one to get melancholy about the past much, and I'd much rather be optimistic about the future.

I hope today becomes a day worth remembering.

Summer Days Drifting Away

2010-06-12T19:14:00.002-05:00

I feel like June is almost over. I've been tired lately. I feel like my life is stuck and moving slowly, waiting for answers, watching days pass like months...slooow.

But what am I to do, rush life? My heart yearns for more, and yet how to fill it? This joy I've been promised doesn't seem to come so easily. Why is it so fleeting, so vapouresque?

There must be more than this.

2010-06-01T13:27:00.001-05:00

Sigh.

Please Pray

2010-05-13T21:18:00.001-05:00

Alina, the girl you have seen in a previous post (the two of us on a couch) just fell out of a second story window and is on the way to the ER with her parents. She ¨seems mostly okay.¨ Please pray that she is. Thank you.

Momma You'd Be Proud

2010-05-04T22:07:00.004-05:00

I will do my best to see if I can post a video here.

A video of what you may ask Momma? My room.
Spick and span.
Clean.
NOTHING on the carpet save a backpack, a desk chair, a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf.

I am sorry momma, that this could not come sooner in life. But I know you will still be awfully proud.

It's cuz I love you.

May the Fourth Be With You

2010-05-04T13:15:00.005-05:00

Star Wars!!!

Those two words cue an almost instantaneous thought of the creschendo of enthusiastic musicians as they blast the infamous opening title scene fanfare. It is quite amazing what music can do to remind you of memories of old. But this post definitely is not about music, although it very well could be.

Star Wars, every prepubescent teenager's favorite science fiction fantasy. At least when I was a teen. Or at least in the circle of friends that I had. To put it lightly, we were geeks. The very nerds that walked around wearing glasses and being afraid of changing in front of anyone in the locker room. That's right, we would run in from P.E. as fast as we could before anyone else showed up, only to change in front of, each other? I'm getting off-track though, let me regress.

It was 1997, and at fourteen years old I had been a Star Wars fan for a good two whole years. I was only introduced to the movies back in sixth grade by my good friends Mikey and Evan. But between '95 and '97 we had much to do, quite an assortment of time-wasting activities. Oh there were Sega Genesis video games and games of street hockey in the neighborhood, but our Hasbro Star Wars characters and our Micro Machine Death Star and Yavin IV base were the most thrilling. We would set Boba Fett up preparing Captain Solo for the cargo hold, mustering up the best voice we could find: "He's no good to me dead."

For a paper mache book report in sixth grade Evan made a Boba Fett mask and Mikey made a Darth Vader one. I think I made one out of the kid from The Hatchet or something (I wasn't as caught up in the SW lore as they were at this time). They were excellent, and Evan even used his two years later when we dressed up for the 20th Anniversary premier...but we'll get to that.

In seventh grade our friend Brian was pretty proficient with computers so he made us a geocities website for our small group of friends. I believe there were only five of us: Evan, Mikey, Brian, Neal and myself. Our webpage and group name? S.W.P. - The Star Wars Posse. I'd give you a link (I still know what it was) but the webpage expired long ago and all our info on the page was lost forever. We had audio clips and quotes, spinning emblems at the top of the page from the Republic and the Empire. We would spend hours perfecting the page to our liking.

We even attempted to make a movie once. We had gone over to our friend Nick's house a few times after school, as he lived less than a mile away, and we would act out fight scenes complete with dialogue and fake lightsabers made out of pvc and duct tape. There was even a point where we tried to record a few things, hoping our friend's dad would add laser effects, but that never came to fruition.

When we heard the movies were being re-released in the theaters in 1997 we were over-ecstatic. Plans were made for us to dress up, and storm the movie theater. No storming was done, but dressing up certainly was. I went as Luke Skywalker, Evan as Boba Fett, Mikey as Han Solo and Neal as a stormtropper (for some reason or another I don't think Brian was able to make the movie that night, something about curfew). We had a blast though, and we certainly got compliments about our outfits. I'm pretty sure Mikey didn't even pay, he just went right in and they didn't even try to stop him.

Our posse soon split up after that though. We all went to separate high schools and our times to get together quickly diminished. It was fun while it lasted, that's for sure. I kept up a little bit with the Star Wars Universe by reading books by authors such as Timothy Zahn and Kevin Anderson, at least to the extent of Han and Leia having twin Solo kids, and not to mention their son Anakin. When the names start repeating, you know it's time to start. Here son, be named after your dead grandfather who killed a lot of good people but turned good in the very end so he could be come a hologram only to be replaced by a pretty-faced boy who whined to much and didn't deserve even half his screen time. Even Luke, when complaining about not being able to go to the Toshee station to pick up some power convertors, wasn't half as bad.

So it died down after that, but before we knew it George Lucas decided he wanted better grass at his Skywalker Ranch in California so he decided to make three more movies. Mikey and I went to the midnight showings of the first two, with our friend Trooper during the latter. Aaaand come to find out he was at the first one as well but we just didn't know him at the time. Good times were had, I went in normal streetclothes though, but Mikey HAD to dress up so he made himself into young Obi-Wan Kenobi, complete with long braid as well.

It was a saga, and a period of life and time well worth remembering. Sure we were young and we were geeks and we didn't care less about what other people thought of us, but hey, that's what made it the awesome experience that it was. Something to reminisce about in the future, or even now if we so desired. Either way, we had fun. We spent our time on things we liked and were interested in, and that's all that truly mattered.

I suppose that's saying something.

So until next time my friends, may the force be with you.

Shuteye

2010-05-03T23:00:00.002-05:00

sleep comes
slowly
thoughts race
over
under
across sheets
covering
skin
covering
flesh
covering
bones
protecting
heart
beating
restless
less

less

less

lest dreams
awaken
hope
courage
strength
for another
day
another hour
fully alive
live

live

live

love

Spring(?) Yes(!) Cleaning

2010-05-03T19:06:00.003-05:00

I am supposed to be cleaning my room. There are still the neverending bits and pieces that always seem to find their way onto the floor of wherever I have lived, always thinking that they have some reason to be there. They are most definitely wrong though, for I have places for them in boxes to be stored away once again. Things like loose cds, papers from taxes and insurance, mechanical pencils without a home, birthday/going away cards, string, tiny boxes of matches! Goodness what am I ever to do with all of this.

I cannot be for certain, but I know sometime soon many of these things will have to find their home in the trash. La basura. El trasho compacto. Or something to that extent. I am awfully close to having a beautifully clean room, it is just the little things that always take the longest.

Sigh...someday soon.

In other news, well, I do not have much other news sadly. Ohhh yes I do!!! I bar-b-qued (okay so this is a WHOLE ´nother conversation that I will post about in the future [grilling vs. bar-b-queing], I just do not have the time nor the full knowledge of the facts) myself a piece of chicken today - mixed in a little bar-b-que sauce with some worcestershire sauce, mmmmm delicious! I cooked it perfectly, it was still tender and not dry, man I was impressed with myself.

A Makeshift Bookshelf

2010-05-02T16:09:00.002-05:00

It'll do for now, and for now I'm amusedly satisfied.

I Call This Desk

2010-05-01T23:08:00.000-05:00

I like craigslist. Always have, probably always will.

I like craigslist today because I searched for a free desk. I found one that had been posted this morning. I e-mailed them. Within five minutes my cell phone rang. We arranged pick-up. Andy drove me over with his truck and we had it quickly loaded. Within an hour from first search it was set up in my room.

It's not perfect.
It's not beautiful.
But it's free.

And I'm a fan of that.

Matthew 6:33

2010-05-01T18:07:00.001-05:00

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these things will be given to you as well.

(Almost) May Day

2010-04-30T21:40:00.000-05:00

Over six months have come, and subsequently vanished, after moving to the Lone Star State. It has felt just like a flash of time, a quick check and re-check of days passing by. It's hard for me to believe that I've already been here that long, but time is always fleeting so they say.

I've moved from renting a shared small one-bedroom house on the south side of the city to renting a room from a family on the north side. San Antonio is hard to describe in terms of location and city and county, etc. Let's just say that it's 400 sq. miles and I've moved from almost the furthest point south to almost the furthest point north.

This has helped for a number of reasons. To begin with, I'm quite sure I'll be saving money. Food is included in rent, and unless I'm super unwise with the way I spend my money on weekends and evenings I should be saving quite a bundle. I'm also 11 miles closer. Not only does that save me on time, as you found out from my last post, but it saves on gas as well. I'm driving 18 miles a day instead of 40, so I'll be saving a good 100-120 miles a week in gas. That adds up folks. I'm also much closer in proximity to the majority of the people I've found myself spending time with these past six months, so that's a big plus as well.

So far (one night) I'm really enjoying my time in this house. The family I'm living with is amiable, it's a mom and dad with their 19 year-old son. I've got my own bedroom, which is in need of a desk and a couple bookshelves but one thing at a time here folks. I'm looking forward to seeing how things work out here, I've got a good feeling about it so I'm sure there will be many stories to come.

So that's about all for now, as early (9:40) as it is right now I think I'm going to dig my nose into a good book and hopefully fall asleep before too long. So in case I don't see you; good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

Eleven

2010-04-30T07:25:00.000-05:00

Elven? No, eleven.

Eleven. E-L-E-V-E-N. It took me eleven minutes to get to work today.

Eleven.

Goodbye Southside

2010-04-29T06:29:00.000-05:00

It's been a good run, an interesting one to say the least. It's time to move on. Northside, here I come.

Slowly But Surely

2010-04-25T09:42:00.000-05:00

Slow movement in the blogosphere. Pace will hopefully pick up soon. No guarantees.

WTG

2010-03-16T20:20:00.000-05:00

Friends,

I've joined a cult.

Please follow with me.

WHAT THE GOD

Heart Strings

2010-03-16T19:38:00.001-05:00

So I've been busy late then, I suppose it what it comes down to.

In all seriousness..

I have my good days.
I have my bad days.
I have my great days.
I have my sad days.

Life is so completely different that I ever expected it to be. I'm trying to hold fast to the truth that this is a good thing, but there are times when I want (want isn't the right word, but I don't know what is) to go back to the way things were. Comfortable. But then I write this down, or I think about all the stipulations that includes, and it's the farthest thing I could ever want for my life.

It's tough when the majority of people you love more than anyone else are not where you are. Maybe this only expands our hearts. Maybe it only causes you to long for a day when you will all be together. Maybe, just maybe, we actually catch a glimpse of learning how to long for what we're made for.

Something to think about.

Rabbit Trail

2010-03-16T19:18:00.001-05:00

I've become a slacker at posting. I suppose you might be able to attribute this to the simple fact that there is no internet connection at my house, or possibly that I've been quite busy lately (gasp!) that the time to blog has slipped away every chance I think I might have. Whatever the case, I sadly don't see this changing anytime soon.

I try to make goals for myself:
write a poem once a day for a month even if it's an haiku
floss every day
eat breakfast, lunch and dinner
be to work on time

Those are only a few I can think of right now, but it seems that for the most part these will last for one or few days and then drop off into some black abyss, as if they weren't even important in the first place. As for poetry, I made it maybe two days. It's not that I didn't try, it's just that I was used to it enough to keep it going continually. I flossed every day for about twenty days. I was proud of myself, feeling good about the cleanliness of my teeth. Then I ran out of floss, and the next container I had hurt my gums so I quit. Sometimes I don't always eat breakfast. Sometimes I forget my lunch. These two usually happen because I'm trying to get to work on time. I make my best effort trying to be on time to places. I'm sure this annoys quite a few many people. I have friends that if they know something won't start until fifteen minutes after it is supposed to, they'll plan to be there at that time, and inevitably end up being late. Me on the other hand? I'll plan to be there 10 minutes before due time in order to make it "on time." I'll still find myself being late. Blame it on my high school baseball coach; when I was 14 years old I had it instilled in me - 10 minutes early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable. Thank you, Terry Gaunt.

Gosh that was a long paragraph, and an even longer rabbit trail.

2010-03-04T23:25:00.000-06:00

Sleep.

Snow and Free Pancakes

2010-02-23T13:03:00.000-06:00

Texas still surprises me. Snow?! I mean sure, it's not sticking, but it's still snow! And free pancakes at IHOP..splendid!

Today is turning out to be a GREAT day!

Sir Coughalot

2010-02-08T20:28:00.000-06:00

Every time I coughed at work today I was afraid our clients would react negatively in some way or another. But I made sure to say "excuse me" every time, so at least I was polite about it. They replied amicably, I don't think its possible for a human to get a dog sick, but then again I'm not sure.

I'm ready for my throat to start feeling better. It's been a few days now since it first acted up, I guess I'm just over it. Now, I haven't done anything to help speed the process along, but I should be fine in the next few days right?

I hope so...

Undercover Bossman

2010-02-07T22:25:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching Undercover Boss. My boss couldn't go undercover without anyone knowing it to save his life. But if he could, would I be working in a way that would get me promoted, or at least a bit of praise for? And if I were, and I never received that praise or recognition, would I still be satisfied?

I'd like to think so. I'd like to think a lot of good things about myself.

I'd also like..

To stop asking God "why?" and start living with an attitude that joyfully accepts my situation and says bring it on. It's just so dern difficult sometimes.

New Years Eve

2010-01-01T01:59:00.000-06:00

It's New Years Eve and I'm full of empty promises, I half pretend to keep this time, just like last year. The band is loud and I'm wandering the shadows, wishing I was never here. I persevere. A crowded room, these whitewashed tombs, they raise their glasses high, they kiss the past goodbye.

This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, this New Years Eve, will turn out better than before, I'm holding on, still holding out, until they close the door... on me.

It's New Years Eve and I feel my insecurities, are haunting me like ghosts, this sinking quicksand. And then with thunderous praise and lofty adoration, a second passes by, yet nothing changes. I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in. Another change of years, and I wish I wasn't here.

A year goes by and I'm staring at my watch again, and I dig deep this time, for something greater than I've ever been, life to ancient wineskins. And I was blind but now I see.

This New Years Eve, something must change me inside, I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired. This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, in You.

These Frail Hands

2009-12-26T18:12:00.000-06:00

I just spent the past hour or so washing dishes. My hands are slowly becoming less like raisins, although they still have the complete softness of constant exposure to soap and water. My fingers glide across the keys of my computer as I type, I feel as if they barely touch the keys I intend to enter, less concerned about what to write and more intent on slipping over and across.

I take for granted these two hands of mine. They are capable of doing so much, and yet I rarely thank them or give them any attention. Not that I should go around looking at them and saying oh thank you hands for being great at opening doors and throwing frisbees and driving stick shift cars and writing words on paper and holding other hands. But I think I should at least be grateful to them for all I've put them through.

For instance, four years ago I was playing tug-of-war with some friends. I stood in the front of my line of eight people, wrapped the rope once around my right hand, and waiting for the "go!" Needless to say my hand broke instantly. 5th metacarpal completely broken, 4th with fractures. It healed quickly, and I am more or less able to use it as if it were brand new. There are times when I remember it's not the 'ol perfect hand it used to be, but it does well.

Later that year, I had a scooter accident where I badly scarred that same hand. Blood dripped everywhere, but scabs formed in a matter of hours and slowly fell away over the next couple weeks. You have to deliberately look at it to see any scarring. I've also been bitten by a stupid chihuahua, sliced a finger open with a pocket knife, and so on and so forth.

For some reason, in all they've been through (mainly my right hand), I've still been told every now and then that I have beautiful hands. I suppose that's a good compliment to get, in fact I'd much rather hear that than have someone come up to me and say wow, your hands are quite ugly. I won't complain of course, I like compliments, and in all conceited honesty, I agree.

But what of my hands?

Do I protect them and do my best to keep them beautiful, clean and well trimmed? Or do I go out into this world and get them banged up, dirty and scarred? I can't exactly think the right way to go is the former. I can't think there would be any reason for me to stay clean and dainty. That's right, I used the word dainty. No, no I don't think so. So be ready world, my hands are going to grab you by the horns.

Or something like that.

And these frail hands, they tremble as they pen perhaps their last. And these weak words, can never say what cannot be surpassed. I need your love, and most of all I want to feel your peace. I need your love, let everything that you are not decrease.

The Greatest Story Ever Told

2009-12-24T16:20:00.000-06:00

PLEASE CLICK HERE. (Or click the photo)

Did you visit the link? Because I really think you ought to. You're not going to get any more words out of me that would interest you. All you need is to read where I sent you. And all you need to know is I love my grandparents.

I've heard it said that he wastes nothing, so beautiful to behold, the Author of my hope is writing the greatest story ever told.

It Was Beautiful

2009-12-20T20:57:00.000-06:00

Everyone seems to be flying home for the holidays. Soldiers on leave, dads getting back from business trips, students done with college for the semester; families returning to one another. There is a sense of joy and excitement in the air. An aura of love and good tidings to all.

For myself though, things are different. I am flying away from my family as we speak. Lost somewhere above Arizona or New Mexico at 39000 feet. I do not know what I will be doing this Christmas day. Usually I am at home with my family opening presents, eating food, and resting. Not this year. Maybe I'll be working. Maybe I'll be watching another family celebrate the joy of Christmas together.

The choice was my own. My work said I could have the time off. They said I could take this week and be away its entirety. They gave me an awkward look when I told them I'd rather it be the week before. Most people did. Most people were dumbfounded when they heard I wasn't going to be home on Christmas day. I thought it wouldn't make a difference. I thought I'd be fine. I don't think that's going to be the case.

Yet I wouldn't change my decision for the world. If I were asked to choose again I would do the exact same thing. I wouldn't even think twice about it. I wouldn't change one single minute, not even one single second.

It was too beautiful.

Pictures looking back, just snapshots of the past cannot compare to feeling what we felt, through anything that came that You were there.

All That Is Good

2009-11-26T00:24:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting on the couch I should be currently sleeping in. Sheets are pulled back, ready for my feet to crawl underneath, and the pillow is all too inviting. They can wait for a couple minutes though, as right now the writer's urge has hit. And you know when that happens there's no stopping it. Shortening it maybe, but no complete cessation.

I had the wonderfullest of nights tonight over at my friend's house. We ate homemade tacos, dipped chips in homemade salsa, and ate tacos until our bellies were full. My dearest "A", seen above, decided her tummy didn't want tacos and so she stuck with chicken nuggets and ketchup. A fine choice if you ask me, even if her tummy still ended up not wanting them as well. She's been recovering from being sick, so hopefully sleep will help her out for a full day tomorrow.

Before her sleep though, we had the chance to read a book about puppies and snow. I must say she rather enjoyed it, her brother "ZC" did as well. After reading a book to her she'll always ask me to read it again, which always amuses me. I suppose it's the simple things in life that children are most fond of, and repetition isn't such a bad thing if it's beautiful. But I got to read a chapter of a book for "ZC", and we were all content.

Life's been like that recently, complete contentment. Alright so maybe not utterly bona fide 100% complete, but darn-near enough to where I'm not complaining. It's the simple things I'm finding hope in. The simple things that bring a smile to my face. And life has been full of them recently.

Where does the misunderstanding come from, demanding that we be outstanding and then some? Perfection never was a requirement, although some might say we desired it. So then for times when things get old I might get cynical.

Prologue II

2009-11-20T10:31:00.000-06:00

I finally have a day off where I can sit and do nothing and fully enjoy it. This past week has been full of work work work, and even though I'm super excited to be making money once again and realizing I'm going to have a steady income, I'm glad for the peace and quiet. For the time being I'm listening to Soapbox Symphony along with the rain that is falling outside. It's raining steadily. Not a downpour or a sprinkle, but a nice consistent waterfall.

I've missed the rain. Having grown up in southern California I would always be appreciative of any rain we'd get. There would be instances when it would rain for a few days at a time, but with the absence of seasons there comes an inconsistent appearance of the sweet liquid.

Yesterday afternoon the clouds started rolling in. The humidity was bearable, but you could feel a change in the air, a difference was certainly presented. It took a while for the rain to finally decide it was ready. I was sitting eating dinner and I saw lightning strike in the distance. When I walked outside I could hear the thunder, see the lightning, and finally feel the first drops fall to the ground. I made it to my place of residence for the night without any problems, I was only a couple miles away to be honest, and propped up my umbrella above my open car door to get some of my belongings inside without getting them or myself too wet. As I lay on the couch ready for bed I could hear a steady downfall, and I was very content.

Right now I sit on the same couch I fell asleep on, and look behind me at the consistency of raindrops pitter-pattering on the red deck. The oak tree above it catches as much of the drops as it can, soaking up as much precipitation as it can in order to stretch its roots deeper and deeper into the ground. It receives life from this water, and it lives in comfort knowing it has a long life ahead of it to live.

I feel like this oak tree. I may be a much younger version of it, but I get another vivid description of how my life is supposed to be lived right now. For me, life is happening all around me, and I've been called to sit and bask in the blessings that surround me. I'm supposed to take it all in, and become like a tree firmly planted by streams of water. The life is here, and I accept it fully, without hesitation or caution.

Let it rain.

In perfect orbit they have circled. As the light of many worlds falls softly on their skin. And days here pass like minutes. One moment of brilliant daylight will shift into the next. A flash of dark behind some distant lost moon. And then it is over. Like the pause before waking. Sleep is replaced by light, and life, and hope. It is the light of one far away sun that has beckoned them to leave and the hope of home that has lifted them from slumber. The hope that though the dark may come, the sun also rises.

Prologue I

2009-11-06T15:34:00.001-06:00

I feel like this is just the beginning. The precursor to what is going to turn out to be the grandest of all adventures. And I'm okay with that, I always have been. It's just that I'm beginning, after being in a whole new place for the past two weeks, to realize that this is it. It's not the warm-up, it's not the stretches, it's game time. I can't be living as if this were just one more step before life truly begins. In a way that's how it's been. Ever since graduating college really.

In college it was simpler though. I had classes I needed to pass, and so that made the wondering how each day was supposed to pan out much easier. In those classes were people who lived in the dorm I was living in, ate in the caf I was eating in, and played the same intramural sports I was playing. Life and relationships just happened. There was always someone you could find who shared a common like or dislike, and as a result you became friends.

Video games kept us awake through ungodly hours of the night, late term papers had the same effect, and at times conversations in the prayer room lasted way too long. Did anyone ever actually pray in there? Maybe that's why they took it away. In any case, strong friendships were forged through these times, as well as broken I'm sure, but not as often.

Four years have passed since then though. Each of us having lived over a thousand days, over thirty-five thousand hours. At first we stayed close to the city we graduated in. Our friendships were more important than our living arrangements. But as time passed, and the realization that we needed to get our lives in order, we spread out. Cheaper housing was available anywhere over five hundred miles away. Jobs and families had stronger bonds than our desires to stay nearby to one another.

Maybe we finally started realizing that we needed to live our own lives. We couldn't live vicariously through each other, no matter how hard we tried. And maybe the only way we thought this possible was to move away from the friends we loved, the relationships we built over the past eight years. The closest "friend" I have from college lives 215 miles away, and we haven't even truly spoken since we graduated. The next closest is 900 miles away, and I don't even want to know what mileage category the others fall into.

I suppose what I'm saying is that we're now all out on our own. True life has hit us and we've decided to grab it by the horns and hope the ride ends somewhere enjoyable. We're ready to be held responsible for our actions, we're ready to build more relationships that will last longer than forever. We're ready to dig in our toes and our heels and plant ourselves in the soil that has been eagerly awaiting our arrival since birth.

Where will our roots go though? Will they only linger among the topsoil and weeds that have no nourishment and only sporadic water? Or will they penetrate deeply into the firmament that longs to be tilled its entire life? It's entirely up to us, but as I said in the beginning I feel like this is the time to do it. It's not up to us to worry about where we will find ourselves tomorrow or next year. It's not up to us to try and change the seasons in our lives or force change that might not be ready to happen.

Life, as complicated as it may be, is meant to be lived.

But not haphazardly, or lazily.

No.

Wholeheartedly.

Passionately.

Vigorously.

Excitedly.

Take today, for all it's worth, and live the best way you know how. Just try it. I dare you.

Just off the border of your waking mind. There lies another time where darkness and light are one. And as you tread the halls of sanity, you feel so glad to be unable to go on. I have a message from another time. Godspeed.

When I Go Out

2009-10-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in the San Antonio public library. And let's just say, it's public. Parents who can't keep their kids under control, allowing them to run and scream through the periodicals. It's frustrating, really. I don't know if I'm more annoyed with that nuisance or with the fact that the wireless doesn't have a strong enough signal for me to connect to the internet consistently. I'm leaning heavily toward the former.

False threats, raised voices, young'uns whining over spilled apple juice that is now permeating the library halls. What can you do right? Find a different library I suppose. One that is peaceful, serene, calm; in all other senses of the word - QUIET. This isn't the place to read a book or study for a midterm. This isn't the place to come and relax.

I think maybe, I'll retreat back to my house.

When I go out I play in the street, I get hit by cars, I make mashed potatoes, I get hit by cars.

You Probably Shouldn't Move Here

2009-10-20T20:45:00.001-05:00

I don't think it's hitting me yet, being away from home. Probably because every time I stop in Arizona my next direction is always West. These trips have always been wonderful. I get to visit with dear friends, eat delicious food, and relax to my heat's content. After that I find myself driving down the 202 W, to the 10 W, 60 W, 91 W, 55 S, 5 S and I'll be home. But tomorrow morning will be different.

No driving toward the sunset, only away from it. The 10 E is calling my name, and it's a road I've never taken before. A road that is probably flat and boring. A road that rambles through Tucson and Juarez, Ozona and Boerne. The destination; known but unknown, visited but foreign.

This destination though, will not be flat and boring. This I know for sure. There will be ups and downs, twists and turns, and I'm sure a lot of "if at first you don't succeed"s. As far as I know I can't prepare myself for it, can't have any idea of what to expect. Am I ready? Let me answer that with another question - what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

It's all a mystery right now though. The light is only a few feet in front of me, which isn't always appreciated. I'm hoping this changes soon, only time will tell. Only time will tell.

Well I heard that your state could be sinking, deep into the briny sea, and all of them earthquakes got you thinking, 'bout leaving Californee-ee. There's riots and there's floods and it's smoggy, toxic waste on yonder beach, and all of them hippies down in Santa Cruz are startin' to suck just like a leech.

Anchors Away

2009-10-13T01:26:00.001-05:00

The sun sets on what turned out to be yet another beautiful day. I've been having a lot of beautiful days lately. I don't know if it's God trying to bless me during my last few days here, or if I've simply had a string of lucky beautiful days. I'd like to think it's the former, and I actually truly have no other reason to think differently.

One thing is for sure though, and that's the realization that being too busy to write lately has been a good thing. Oh I'm sure I could have found hours between the wee hours of certain mornings, or even passed a quick blog through my phone to appease the multitudes. So let's not get too annoyed with me people, after all, it's not like I'm some uber-comedian anyway (wait, am I expected to be?) - speaking of which, I'm surprised no one commented on my last post on something I found to be utterly humorous.

This past month though, has been one of the best months I've had in recent years. It's truly a combination of all sorts of things. I've found joy in little things. Time with family has lengthened. Friendships have flourished. Adventures, oh the grandest of adventures have been had. There's nothing quite like driving down PCH at midnight, screaming FIF and BS2 songs at the top of your lungs with a dear friend. Really, try to beat that...I didn't think so.

And now I'm not sure exactly when I'll write again, I'm thinking it'll be sometime next week, but not anytime sooner. You see, in less than a week I'll be officially moved out of the state of California. This state that has been my home for my entire life, it's been all I've truly known. I really have no idea of what I'm getting myself into in the state of Texas, but I know it's where I'm supposed to be, at least for the next year...or more. Any doubts I've had about this whole process have slowly but surely been stripped away and removed as the days draw near. I have been constantly reminded of the faithfulness of my Lord, and for that I am forever grateful.

I don't deserve this. Any of it. Yet I'm not called to live in that realization. I'm not called to second-guess blessings of any kind. I suppose that's something to think about; for all of us to think about.

Tune in, tune out, goodbye, goodnight.

I Feel Lucky

2009-10-05T11:27:00.000-05:00

Writing on airplane napkins is almost exciting as flying in an airplane. Almost, but not quite. I find it amazing to think that our grandparents grew up just as airplanes were hitting their heyday. My grandpa flew B-52 bombers in WWII - and it's simply fascinating to see how far technology has come since then.

We can jump on a plane and be essentially anywhere in one day. We can have our groceries delivered to our front door and movies streamed to our TVs all for one low monthly fee. And I can be on a plane for a little over an hour, starting in El Salvador and finding myself in Costa Rica with a taxi waiting to take me to my destination.

I'm flying high above Costa Rica right about now, able to see both the Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea. How magnificently beautiful. I'll always be amazed at how vast and beautiful the world we live in is. I know wherever I find myself traveling I will not get bored of the sights, sounds and smells that surround me.

There is too much to be seen, too much to be experienced. And the person in front of me just farted.

So much easier to think that we did this all ourselves. So much easier to let our hearts do what they've felt.

Something Like Laughter

2009-09-30T13:42:00.000-05:00

i need a camera.
to freeze this moment in time.
the smile on your face as you come running into my arms.
i never want to let you go.

"tirarme" you shout.
up, up, up you go.
complete confianza.
you couldn't be happier.

days like this don't come as often as they should.
love at its most unadulterated form.
"this is my friend. this is my friend!"
your words couldn't ring truer.

Searching for more than mere lies disguised as dogma, tired eyes tend to wander, seek the light. Create in him a sense of awe that sees Your beauty, let Your splendor flash with blinding light. Standing tall all the aspen trees drink water as the rain falls down like laughter from the sky.

Superpowers

2009-09-21T17:15:00.000-05:00

My flight to Costa Rica is on time. I suppose that's a good thing, even if I don't leave for another ten hours. I don't know what to expect these two weeks, but I'm thinking that adds to the adventure and the excitement of it all. It's crazy to think that when I'm back in the states it will be October already, with only three months left of this amazing year. Not only that, but I'll only have sixteen days left in California. I'm hoping and praying I'm able to go to the beach on about 50% of those days, even if it's only for a short time.

I don't know when all of this is going to hit me. I'm not walking timidly around corners though. I'm not looking up to see when the scaffolding is going to come crashing down. I'm not thinking that today or tomorrow will be the day when pretending I'm a super-human finally fails. I know it will be soon though, and I know it's going to hurt. At least I won't be able to say I didn't see it coming.

I'm finding time to remember that one day at a time is the only way life has ever happened for me. I haven't lived two days in a twenty-four hour time period, and I doubt I ever will. So for now, these next ten hours will suffice. Hopefully I'll be able to find a few hours to fall asleep on my first five-hour plane ride, but this too seems highly unlikely.

I wanted to be famous, now I want to take it back.

Where Zero Meets Fifteen

2009-09-18T12:14:00.000-05:00

I figure considering I won't be around to post again until October that I should write a little bit. Strange things have been happening lately and I'm not sure how I feel about any of them, but for now I think the best thing to do is to take them with a grain of salt and keep on moving on.

In thirty days I'll officially be on my newest of adventures. I'll have 1,300 miles of open road ahead of me, and after visiting my mechanic yesterday he said to make a point to stop by again before I leave so he can make sure everything in my car is in good condition. This was after getting an oil change yesterday where my car only had half a quart of oil in it when it was supposed to have 4 quarts. I wonder how my scooter is doing...

I can't say that I'm ready to leave, but I know the timing is not in my hands and so I continually step forward in eager anticipation of how things will work out. Sure I could have planned things better, sure I could have waited until everything was in perfect order and the sun was hitting the earth at the perfect angle. But life isn't about waiting, it's about doing. And if everything were perfect, I think I'd be a little scared.

In the meantime I've a lot on my plate. This weekend I'll be up a mountain with a bunch of guys, proving how sportsmanlike and competitive can work together better than oil and water. After that I have a quarterfinal softball game on Monday night, and if we win we'll play an hour later. I jump on a plane headed to Costa Rica immediately afterwards, where I'll be there for a good 11 days. Words cannot express how excited I am about this... When I get back home there will be two weeks left for me in California.

Goodbye west coast.

What does it matter anyway, thirteen cents or all I own? How can I ever save the world on cup-o-soup and student loans?

Me Oh My

2009-09-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

It's late. No one really knows what time it is. It doesn't truly matter, but in most cases timing is everything. Not here. Time is irrelevant. Mostly because more people are sleeping on the west coast than are awake.

Fact.

I've been slacking lately. In most areas of life. I haven't been spending my time wisely, and it shows. At least to me it does. I'll find myself in grooves that were never meant to be plowed, knowing how necessary it is to swerve violently to escape the deep divots. Slow won't cut it.

Rapid change.

Abrupt movement.

There's something happening in the sky...I recall that I'm yours now I'm feeling fine.

Far, Far Away

2009-09-01T12:58:00.000-05:00

I'll start off by saying I wish I had a camera. I should also mention that I wish I didn't have to buy my sister a camera because I lost hers. I could then write about how I have no money in my bank account and bills are due, but I am not writing today to complain. Not at all.

I just got back home from being gone for eleven days. In order to make some quick cash I agreed to driving to North Dakota and Wisconsin to help deliver mattresses for a small country based out of Southern California. My delivery trip looked something like this:

Day 1: Orange County to Las Vegas, NV: 255 miles

Day 2: Las Vegas to Idaho Falls, ID: 664 miles

Day 3: Idaho Falls to Dickinson, ND: 680 miles

Day 4: Dickinson to Kenmare, ND: 239 miles, 4 deliveries

Day 5: Kenmare to Minot, ND: 225 miles, 5 deliveries

Day 6: Minot to Bismarck, ND: 215 miles, 7 deliveries

Day 7: Bismarck to Menominee, MI: 733 miles

Day 8: Menominee to Green Bay, WI: 57 miles, 1 delivery

We were supposed to take one truck and have two drivers to split the driving time. But there were too many deliveries that were needed so we had no choice but to take two trucks. Of course I found this out on the day we were supposed to leave. I wasn't expecting to drive 3,000 miles in 8 days, but let me tell you, along with the deliveries it came out to be very exhausting.

The fun part though, was traveling to states I had never been to before and meeting many very good-natured and amicable people. Starting in California, I went to Nevada, Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan.

The people were truly friendly, as I mentioned, and it made me smile knowing that at whatever house we'd be delivering to there would be a smile to greet us. And this was the case. Sure, there was an instance where I customer became quite irate with the other person I was working with, but that's another story in itself. And it could have been easily avoided.

All in all, I'm very glad I was able to go on such a trip, even if I haven't spent a day lately without wondering why in the world I feel exhausted before noon.

I still wish I had a camera.

Can you hear the bells are ringing...can you hear the voices singing...I know that one day soon a song shall rise. You'll hear it with the sleep still in your eyes.

Beautiful America

2009-08-17T17:02:00.000-05:00

Quickly now.

We mustn't wake the neighbors.

Bags packed and ready to go.

Step silently out of the house.

The sun has yet to rise.

My time left in California is getting shorter and shorter, and when I look at it I come to the realization that it's fully out of my hands. I'll be passing through nine states in the next nine days. Thankfully, I'll be making money most of the time, as the whole purpose of this trip is work-related. It amazes me how quickly opportunities arise when necessities present themselves. I needed work, was handed work (albeit not what I expected), and now I'm gone for the next week or so.

So if you happen to be in North Dakota or Wisconsin over these next few days, come by and visit, and hey! maybe I'll sell you a tempur-pedic mattress! (I'm actually not 100% sure of what I'll be doing, just that I have to transport mattresses from a warehouse in Cali to a couple trade shows in the states listed above.)

Should be quite the adventure.

I want to be in America. Okay for me in America. Everything's free in America. For a small fee in America.

Aegolius

2009-08-14T18:49:00.000-05:00

I really have no reason to complain. Things are falling into place slowly but surely, and for that I am forever grateful. I'm not in a place to find a full-time job where I can be hired by a company or anything while still in CA, but I'm still in desperate need of money. The good thing though, is that I know someone who has offered me some work for the time being. It'll mean I have to go on a week-long road trip to who knows where, but I'm definitely up for it!

It's still tough though, I won't lie. I wonder though, how would things be any different if I weren't leaving? What would I be doing differently, anything? I would hope so. I would hope my drive and determination to make things happen would be just as steady. I would hope that I would take time and effort to build strong relationships with those around me. I would hope that life would be beautiful, and I would strive for greatness.

In the meantime, I know things won't go exactly as planned. There will be unexpected curves and turns and rough bumps and everything else one might encounter on this adventure we call life. I believe I'm ready for it though. I'm ready to face the unforeseen circumstances head on, so c'mon life, bring it.

You can't forget that no matter what happens, whatever goes wrong, there is a reason for it. There's a purpose to all these things. Grieve your losses and don't forget the price of it all. But know that somehow it all becomes worthwhile. There's always something to hope for.

The Sun Also Rises

2009-08-09T03:53:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I feel as if my deepest thoughts, if shared, will scare the people around me. Not that they're evil, or that they wish ill-will upon anyone, just that people seem to want you to be happy, and not in the least bit frustrated at life at certain times. We give off these vibes that say - I want you smiling all the time and I don't want anything you might say to bring an ache to my heart because I'm having a great day and my life is good. Maybe it's the way we were brought up, or we can relate it to something we learned in school or how someone hurt us in the past.

Maybe it's none of that.

Sunday, in a way, was a day like this. I don't know what triggered it, or if there was any happenstance that caused my mood to automatically drop eighty degrees south. But all of a sudden I didn't want to be around the lovely people I was with. I wanted to go back home and sit in my messy room by myself, and hold some kind of idiotic pity party. I didn't, thankfully, but my attitude was still immediately noticed by most of everyone there. I told myself to snap out of it - and I did my best. I still don't think my best was good enough for the rest of the night though.

I know though, that it has to do a lot about this whole move. It's frustrating. It's difficult. And in complete honesty I'm scared crapless to see how it's all going to work out. I feel like I can't interact with people as I'd like to, because I'll be gone in slightly more than two months and they'll never care to talk to me again. Harsh? Let's face it - if "friends" aren't checking in on me and asking when they'll be able to see me again, why the hell would that change for the better if I'm 1,300 miles farther away? I feel like the time spent there, precious as what I have now, would amount to what...surfacy conversation?

Correct me if I'm wrong, because I know that there's some absolutely wrong reasoning there. I've talked over the whole friendship thing with a few friends, and it seems as if the conclusion always comes to the fact that if people aren't willing to take the time to see how life is treating you and how you're really doing, then why is there any reason to make an effort back. I'm not saying I don't try at all, and wait to see if anyone truly cares about me. No, I do take the time out of those I truly know will be friends with me forever, I just don't know how much effort I'm going to put into something that has no reciprocation. (Sidenote: Facebook tells me I have 780 friends. What an utter lie.)

Sigh.

I don't know what to do about all of this. It seems to be a lifelong process that only has one step forward for every three steps back. It's complicated, I know, but maybe, just maybe I'll be able to come to some sort of small conclusion that allows me peace of mind.

I believe the sun also rises, dries our tears, bringing the blue skies of day. I believe the sun also rises, lighting our paths, driving the darkness away.

Everywhere I Go

2009-07-28T14:00:00.000-05:00

I probably shouldn't jump the gun on this one. I should probably wait until Friday to start writing about where my life is currently headed.

But do you ever feel something so strongly that you can't just sit and wait a whole 48 hours to share your excitement with the world?

I can sum it up in five words for you: I am moving to Texas.

There are so many stories behind those five words that one simple post cannot do it justice. So many life decisions, so many twists and turns and unexpected obstacles. But here I am, and in complete honesty:

I couldn't be happier.

For everywhere I go I see Your face through the crowd. Everywhere I go I hear Your voice clear and loud. Everywhere I go You are the light that I seek. Everywhere I go You have found me.